Bitter Barcelona and Breathtaking Bale

By SamGoma

SamGomaSamGoma, here to bring the magic back.

Life isn’t all rainbows and sunshine in the Catalan capital anymore. Barcelona have now suffered three defeats in the space of just ten days with the return leg against Milan just around the corner. Players and management alike will be feeling the pressure as the world’s attention shifts back to the upcoming Champions League clashes and a little muti could be just what the witchdocter ordered.

Real Madrid made Barca look like Powerlines FC throughought the 180min they played this week and the building frustration is evident. Barcelona goalkeeper Victor Valdéz, overwhelmed by the occasion, is now facing a potential match ban for a spell of uncontrollable madness. Someone must have paid another sangoma to put an angry spirit over him.

“You have no shame, you have no shame!!” screamed Valdéz, as he made the referee fully understand how he felt about the result. Eish, two very stupid yellow cards were earned after the final whistle had gone and now José “Pimp Daddy” Pinto will probably be starting between the sticks.

jose_pinto_Corn-row ponytails are so hot right now!

Barcelona’s 2-1 loss at the Bernabéu, against a second string Madrid side missing the likes of CRonaldo and Mesut Özil, will have many culés worrying. They are lacking structure and coach Tito Vilanova’s continued absence has becoming a major problem for the team. He has been to many sangomas in America now and still hasn’t found the one to help with his problem.

Tottenham meanwhile took a great stride forward in their quest for Champions League qualification with the 2-1 win over North London rivals Arsenal.

Though they dominated possession for the first half an hour at White Hart Lane, Arsenal forgot their lucky rabbit paw at home and came unstuck as Gareth Bale notched his 10th goal in eight games with Aaron Lennon adding the decider two minutes later. I was in tears when Bale scored the 1st goal but I’m not sure if that was due to emotion or my steaming bucket with Vicks Vaporub in it. But let’s admire the young Welshman for a moment shall we.

Gareth-BaleThis shit’s too easy.

Initially a left back, he converted to a free-roaming attacker that makes most defenders look like kak and has earned his reputation as the world’s most desirable player. Spurs have made enough sacrifices to keep the wolves at bay and his obvious talent will mean more goats to slaughter. Spurs’ qualification to compete for continental glory will depend largely on this bra, so to keep him safe, I’ll be sure to cook up some chicken gizzards to keep any demons away. Thankfully they can double up as supper.

The midweek matches will provide us with some testicle tickling contests, with Man United tackling Real Madrid and Borussia Dortmund’s battle to hold off Shaktar Donetsk on Tuesday. The ancestors are keeping a keen eye on Tottenham, who have another tough encounter on Thursday when they face an Inter Milan side, hungry like a lion for some silverware this season.

 You can follow @Sam Goma and his mystical ways on Twitter.

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